Loved the Help!
My parents came for a visit last week, and I so appreciated all of their encouragement and help. It was amazing how much easier it was to be the parent of three wounded children when someone was right there, wanting to help in any way they could.
It was discernibly different how much better behaved my kids were, as well. Partially because they wanted to show off for grandma and grandpa and partially because of the healing they’ve already gone through. But mostly because grandma and grandpa’s help freed me up to help the kids deal with their issues more. Them being here allowed me to “spin the plates” a little easier, because there were less plates for me to spin overall. (usually there are plates shattering all over the place….and many with food on them!)
For example, Saturday was amazing. Grandpa was outside working on one of the cars. Grandma was helping me get lunch ready when one of the kids started to cycle downward. That means they were doing fine at the moment, but I could tell that if I didn’t deal with the situation we would all regret it. I helped that child work through whatever issue they were dealing with at the time, ate a wonderful lunch fixed by my mom, and enjoyed time of normal conversation with the family. Toward the end of lunch, I could tell that another child was not doing well. I immediately started spinning the plate of a “therapy session” with that child, while my mom was spinning the plate of doing dishes. Grandpa, who hates to sit still for even a moment, went outside to work on the car once again….one less big plate for us to spin later. And a huge help financially to our family (I especially appreciate it after just spending an arm and a leg in Seattle when the other car broke down).
This past week reminded me once again of the Forever Home’s vision to inspire people in the community to surround the families who are called to adopt wounded children. Our families truly cannot do it on our own. First of all, we desperately need God’s help. Only with God’s strength can we love our children unconditionally like they need to be loved. And we really do need the body of Christ to surround us with prayer, encouragement and practical help. It’s too exhausting to do all by ourselves.
How can you help the parent of a wounded child? There are so many things that may seem small to you but can make a huge difference. Remember back to when you had a newborn baby? Remember how it felt to have others bring a meal during those first few weeks? Well, the amount of work that it takes to care for a newborn can many times pale in comparison to parenting a wounded child. When a family has child so badly wounded that she is emotionally still an infant in a 10 year old body, the supervision involved can be completely overwhelming. Bringing a meal over once a week or even once a month can make all the difference in the world. Coming over to help with dishes can give the parent of a child with attachment issues the time to do bonding activities with them. Helping with yard work can ease the burden of an exhausted mom. Helping with car maintenance or repairs can help a family strapped financially because of their child’s stealing habits or damage of property. You have no idea how big of a difference those things make.
Even emotionally, encouragement to a mom with wounded kids can make or break a situation. People have no idea how much abuse a mother with RAD kids takes on each day. I would have never believed it had I not experienced it personally. There’s a reason not everyone adopts older, wounded kids. It isn’t easy. Yet, doing so accomplishes the very thing closest to the heart of God. How many times did He say to care for the orphans and widows? A lot! When you support these families, you support what is important to God.
This week, I had a taste of what that kind of help and emotional support felt like. It was phenomenal. Can’t even begin to explain how it lifted the burden for just a little bit and helped me to be able to give the time to my kiddos that they need. Amazing!
