An Old Habit
Yesterday, I took my kiddos to an amazing ranch in Yakima to do some therapeutic horseback exercises. This ranch, a non-profit, offers a program throughout the summer of therapeutic interactions and eventually horseback riding with the kids for free. By the way…if you live in Yakima or Tri Cities area, you should totally check out this place! It’s called Bachelor Creek Ranch.
Since this was their first time, Shelly took them on the tour of the ranch and introduced them to the animals (including the chicken who thinks she’s a puppy and will let you pet and hold her). Then, she taught them how to lead the horse, and they were able to groom two of them as well. They had a blast! By the time we returned, though I was exhausted. So, after getting everyone settled in back home, my husband took over and I took a nap.
Shortly after the beginning of my nap, one of my kids’ old habits began. My kids have tended to freak out when I’m in my room and not out with them (at all moments, mind you). In the past, it was much more obvious. While today the behaviors were not quite as obvious, they were still reminiscent of the old habit. It used to be that, as soon as I was back in my room for a nap or just to have some time to myself (with my husband out there with them, of course), they’d be perfectly quiet out in the living room, going down the hallway, and then again when they were in their room. Where they weren’t quiet? You guessed it. Right in front of my room! They’d walk from the living room and down the hallway, completely quiet as a mouse, and then right in front of my room they’d suddenly remember some completley random question that they “needed” to shout out to one of their siblings at that exact moment. So, they would yell out that silly question, making sure they made enough noise to wake me up, and then proceed quietly to their room. This scenario would repeat itself more and more the longer I was in my room. When asked about their behavior, they’d make it clear that they felt that I should be out with them, and they wanted to try to make me wake up and come out (again, the “how DARE you do something for yourself or that isn’t directly for ME!” attitude so common with RAD kids). While my kids still have that attitude, they have learned to curb their behavior quite a bit in the last two years (dad having them make it up to mom every time they performed those little tricks has helped this greatly!).
It sometimes still annoys me to think that my kids honestly feel that I should be at their beck and call at every blessed moment of the day. Dad can be gone…that’s ok. But mom – if MOM isn’t there, then she has completely abandoned them!! At times, I struggle with being angry at my children for this completely unrealistic expectation. Other times I understand where it comes from and I’m better able to shrug it off. I go between the two attitudes. I wish I could say that it doesn’t bother me still after two years, but sometimes the fact that it has been that long causes me to wonder just how much longer it will take for this to go away. I think, though, that this self-centered way of viewing the world will probably be there for a long time to come. I just need to figure out a way to handle it better without them changing! Maybe I just need to reread the book Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend, so that I remember what to do with people who step over my boundaries! Even if it is a little kid! :)
