Comments on: It’s not my fault!! It’s YOURS! http://owens.foreverhomes.org/2009/05/31/its-not-my-fault-its-yours/ Our Adoption Story Wed, 27 Jul 2011 23:54:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Rob http://owens.foreverhomes.org/2009/05/31/its-not-my-fault-its-yours/comment-page-1/#comment-1470 Rob Wed, 13 Oct 2010 13:59:24 +0000 http://www.4everhomes.org/index.php?option=com_wordpress&p=347#comment-1470 You just described our foster daughter to a tee. We, too, are trying to teacher her that her choices dictate what happens to her in our home. We set two paths before her and encourage her to take "goody to shoe" path and provide the natural rewards or consequences with lots of empathy. She is taking two steps forward and one step back. You just described our foster daughter to a tee. We, too, are trying to teacher her that her choices dictate what happens to her in our home. We set two paths before her and encourage her to take “goody to shoe” path and provide the natural rewards or consequences with lots of empathy. She is taking two steps forward and one step back.

]]> By: Raychel http://owens.foreverhomes.org/2009/05/31/its-not-my-fault-its-yours/comment-page-1/#comment-1460 Raychel Tue, 12 Oct 2010 20:28:32 +0000 http://www.4everhomes.org/index.php?option=com_wordpress&p=347#comment-1460 I understand the wounded child's feelings of jealousy. It makes sense in every way. My biological son gets jealous of the wounded child. Weird. Yet, normal. Hard to be sympathetic to. Must listen and console. And much talking about, to try and help him digest his own feelings. She finally opened herself up to working with the family business to earn money. That was a two month struggle. When she made her first $20, she was so happy. It was her birthday and she chose to go ahead and apply herself to working anyway, and it payed off for her and she was pleased. My son was fuming. Why does she get payed? She is so mean and spiteful. Can't anyone seeeeee that??? It can be so difficult for him to see her earn rewards and get good things. He thinks she should burn for all the mean things she does. She is a roller coaster and he doesn't think she should be rewarded until she is all good inside and out. I try to explain to him that that is going to take 10 more years, if she even chooses to embrace that path completely. She needs the pebbles to help her see the path. He needs to know that we see his pain and misery and confusion. It is rare that he looks in the mirror and realizes that he got the better deck of cards in life, and that it is o.k. to help her make her own cards to finish her crappy deck. I understand the wounded child’s feelings of jealousy. It makes sense in every way.

My biological son gets jealous of the wounded child. Weird. Yet, normal. Hard to be sympathetic to. Must listen and console. And much talking about, to try and help him digest his own feelings.

She finally opened herself up to working with the family business to earn money. That was a two month struggle. When she made her first $20, she was so happy. It was her birthday and she chose to go ahead and apply herself to working anyway, and it payed off for her and she was pleased.

My son was fuming. Why does she get payed? She is so mean and spiteful. Can’t anyone seeeeee that???

It can be so difficult for him to see her earn rewards and get good things. He thinks she should burn for all the mean things she does. She is a roller coaster and he doesn’t think she should be rewarded until she is all good inside and out. I try to explain to him that that is going to take 10 more years, if she even chooses to embrace that path completely.

She needs the pebbles to help her see the path.

He needs to know that we see his pain and misery and confusion. It is rare that he looks in the mirror and realizes that he got the better deck of cards in life, and that it is o.k. to help her make her own cards to finish her crappy deck.

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