I know her lashing out has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the tornado of emotions she feels from finally being loved. Anger about being loved by the nobody me. Bitterness to the world for being loved too late by the wrong person. The too late part will pass with time. She will get used to it eventually. Someday it will feel more normal to her. For the moment, she thinks we are suckers and peon losers for the love we show.

It is hard to balance the insistence and determination to love while still disciplining purposeful mean behavior. One child. And the everlasting whiplash of emotions to try and balance the world in her head. Yes, she is a very mean child. Yikes.

And only she, could give our family what we need. Perspective on the world. She keeps us from being spoiled, selfish, and greedy. Sometimes, I think she is just keeping us from being sane. But when she spends the weekend in juvenile detention for punching me, I miss her. And when she comes home, it is hard to figure out why I missed her.

When she is calm and peaceful, we all just breath.

I need to forgive her more often and more completely.